Gummy Bears

Walking around campus is a sea of fucking grey sweatpants. The kind that make asses look SO bad. Grey sweatpants and brown school sweatshirts and polyester beanies. So when I walk by the financial aid office and outside it is sitting a very handsome, skinny black guy with expensive glasses, a navy cardigan and a really smart haircut it was like finding a gummy bear in a bag of unsalted peanuts. Or something. Something like "what the fuck are you doing here, you delicious thing?"

I farted at the gym today, but only the girl with the horribly pinched face wasn't wearing headphones, so hopefully no one besides her noticed. I was kind of embarrassed by the fact that I wasn't really embarrassed at all.

Speaking of the gym, I was reading October's Women's Health while there today. I learned that Rachel Bilson is the most boring celebrity ever. Also that "grazing his arm with your breasts on purpose," is a good way to show a man that you are interested. Duly noted.

Fathers in my neighborhood become more appealing every day. Home-wrecking could perhaps become a hobby, or even a viable career option. I'm only hitting up the daddies with the best Christmas light displays, though. Definitely not the ones with the little glowing nativity scenes. Gross.