I'm considering courting my professor

to be continued...

Gummy Bears

Walking around campus is a sea of fucking grey sweatpants. The kind that make asses look SO bad. Grey sweatpants and brown school sweatshirts and polyester beanies. So when I walk by the financial aid office and outside it is sitting a very handsome, skinny black guy with expensive glasses, a navy cardigan and a really smart haircut it was like finding a gummy bear in a bag of unsalted peanuts. Or something. Something like "what the fuck are you doing here, you delicious thing?"

I farted at the gym today, but only the girl with the horribly pinched face wasn't wearing headphones, so hopefully no one besides her noticed. I was kind of embarrassed by the fact that I wasn't really embarrassed at all.

Speaking of the gym, I was reading October's Women's Health while there today. I learned that Rachel Bilson is the most boring celebrity ever. Also that "grazing his arm with your breasts on purpose," is a good way to show a man that you are interested. Duly noted.

Fathers in my neighborhood become more appealing every day. Home-wrecking could perhaps become a hobby, or even a viable career option. I'm only hitting up the daddies with the best Christmas light displays, though. Definitely not the ones with the little glowing nativity scenes. Gross.

Langage used when talking about dating

"I couldn't help but wonder'
Pete
Romantic
Samantha
Carrie
Cosmos
Adian
"What's going on up there?"
existential crisis

More Sexy

More things that I find sexy:

• Black coffee
• Slightly mangled teeth
• Dark blue stuff
• Happy hour specials (Alaska bars are never sexy)
• Secret hobbies
• Shitty cars with good heating systems

What is Sexy?

"I don't know what the words 'sexy' or 'hot' are so I use 'cool' and 'pretty' instead"

A bit of Wisdom

My advice never lacks invention. So when gave the advice that, “ The number one quality in a man is his ability to laugh at his rapping abilities," at that moment i knew.

i knew i knew something. Something I needed to share. Advice and, experiences all without grounds for giving this advice or experiences to which i might have gained.

Sexy Things

My comprehensive list of things that men probably find sexy, based on a lifetime of observation:

• Tropical vacations
• Fishnet stockings
• Good posture
• Vegetables
• Musk
• The color red
• Slits in the sides of velour dresses
• Rum
• A soft face

A list of things that men might find sexy (warrants further investigation):

• Really nice lawn furniture
• Lambskin
• Expressive dances
• Short books
• A thick head of hair
• Stuff from Egypt

Things that I think are sexy:

• Clean ears
• Cool shoes
• Sugar-y cereal
• Sideburns
• Cartoons

Lizard Hands

Today when I pulled my leftover homemade crustless mini quiche out of the microwave at school there was a muddy puddle in the bottom of the container. I tried to drain it into the trash but I dropped my quiche in. It was a mostly empty trash can. There weren't very many people around. I reached in and pulled it out. Just like when I dropped my phone in Joelle's toilet. The quiche was hot and wet. I'm pretty sure no one saw. I sat down at a table and ate it. It was really gross, it was a new recipe and I didn't get it right--all the onions and spinach were at the top and the bottom was like a sponge of crappy egg. I love the tables in the coffee area because they are the perfect size for one person.

I'm pretty sure if I saw someone pull a piece of warm food from the trash can and sit down to eat it (with a fork) I would think they were bold. But if someone saw what I had done and thought I was bold then I would think they were pathetic and an idiot.

Later in Business law a really really tall jock-ish boy called me by my name. I got all sweaty and I picked the scabs on my hands. They look like lizard hands because it never rains here.

I'm planning to make nachos for dinner. I hope that eating only one type of bean isn't unhealthy.

Today's top pick for dating: That guy in the pickup truck who yielded to me at the intersection by the Varsity Pub.