M.M.M.

Oh my god I used to have a completely unhealthy attraction to this cat. This character? Yikes. Jesus. Cats gave me lots of feelings.

Cookies and Sandwiches

Yesterday: I volunteer to cover a student senate meeting for the paper mostly because the posters advertise pizza. Fair enough. I show up and they've switched it on me--no pizza but instead an enormous sandwich with all sorts of meats. Great. Listened to bickering over women's rugby uniforms and cheesecake fundraisers for two hours, then biked home in the rain.

Today: Performed stupendously on Modern Grammar exam. Grimy redneck in the passengers side of an aging Winnebago makes a gang sign at me and hoots "Woowoowooowooo," as he goes by. I stop at the Super America for a treat. I want a cookie, and they have fresh ones. Chocolate chip. I take my cookie to the counter and the girl rings it up sixty-nine cents, declaring "I know they're really eighty-nine cents, but I think that's too much for a cookie."

There is snow in the forecast for Monday. Hyvee sells enormous bags of peanuts still in their shells for five dollars. It is a dangerous bargain and my desk is a mess as a result.

High school boys as coworkers: The entire experience summed up in one conversation

SCENE: Saturday night, 9 p.m. at the city ice arena. Sitting in the office area with Andrew, Matt and Adam, all seniors at Marshall High School. Me--sitting off in a corner reading a book. It's a slow night.

Matt: "You should have another party like the one you threw last summer, that was sweet."

Adam: "Yeah, but there were a lot of OTD that showed up. That wasn't cool."

Matt: "What's OTD?"

Andrew: "Out of town dudes."

Matt: "Oh, yeah. Yeah you should have another party though."

Andrew: "Yeah, 'cause there was lots of OTP too."

All: laughter

END SCENE

STAY TUNED

Blog-watchers: Please stay tuned for later this week, when we'll be visiting:

• The transition from winter to spring without so much as a single nod to the tradition of leg and pit shaving. I have better things to do.
• Some shameless flirting with a freshman in first-year sex seminar, still up in the air: I may or may not call him out on having a really horrible hairstyle but also better earrings than I have ever owned.
• The dramatic conclusion of whether or not I should actively pursue the impossibly lanky bespectacled boy who came to approximately one English club meeting and wrote a poem about watching people and disliking them. Height: twice mine. Weight: half mine.
• MORE DRINKING. Mix drink and beer suggestions will be taken to heart.

Love,

Kathryn

Valentine's Day

If your wallet has been running on empty for a while, the thought of Valentine’s Day probably sends you into a state of panic. Between roses, chocolates, and those little singing teddy bears, you’re forced to decide between feeding yourself this month and impressing your date. But wait—no one told you about the third option? You’re in luck, my friend. You’ve stumbled across my exhaustively-researched compilation of inventive, inexpensive V-day date ideas!

Wining and Dining

The best place to take your lover out for a treat if you’ve got a few bucks is Dairy Queen. The location on East College Drive has great service, clean bathrooms, and intimate booths. Plus, when you sign up online to be a member of the Blizzard fan club, you’ll get a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for Blizzard treats. I recommend February’s Blizzard of the month: Choco-Cherry Love. It’s widely regarded as the panty-dropper of soft-serve ice cream.

If you’re more the outdoors-y woodsman type, you should know that squirrel meat is a highly underrated delicacy. Or so I’ve heard. You could either dig out your bb gun, or just go for a walk along the side of the road—you’ll find one sooner or later. Keep your eyes peeled for something fresh, though. The weather this year hasn’t been conducive to naturally preserving roadkill. Preparing a squirrel isn’t much different than gutting a fish; just make sure you have a sharp knife. Fry that sucker up in some butter and salt and you’ve got a delicious dinner that you cooked—and caught—yourself!

If you’re really strapped for cash and time there’s always the on-campus dining experience. What can you get from the campus eateries for free? Mustard, honey, sugar, mayonnaise, half & half and cinnamon from Java City; soup crackers from the Grab & Go; fortune cookies from the librarian help desk; and microwave popcorn from the Walt Whitman room (you didn’t hear that from me). You’ll have to get creative here. I suggest a spiced mustard cracker snack.

Adventure Time

The best dates are the ones that are exciting. A situation might be uncomfortable, terrifying, or really stupid, but as long as it’s not boring it can be salvaged. For some high-adrenaline romance, it’s hard to beat a ride on the back of a Grizzly bear. Unfortunately, I don’ think there are any real grizzlies here, so you’ll have to settle for that plastic one on top of Borch’s. Bring a ladder.

One of the benefits of having a Mustang card is getting to ride the Marshall Area Transit (MAT) buses for free. Sure, they take about as much time to get anywhere as it would take to walk, but it’s about the journey, not the destination. Pick a seat near the back with your honey, split your ear buds, put on some Marvin Gaye, and enjoy the tour of Marshall.

If you’re a true daredevil, take your date for a walk around Marshall High School during lunch hour. Dangerous, yes, but highly rewarding when you consider how suave and mature you’ll look compared to the students there.

Low-key Romance

Maybe you’d prefer to use this Valentine’s Day to show your date how much you love them and enjoy being with them. For you, I suggest checking out the free art galleries in Marshall—bonding over a cultural experience is the type of thing that brings couples closer together (I assume). There’s the William Whipple Gallery on campus, the Southwest Minnesota Arts and Humanities Council gallery on East College, the Marshall Area Fine Arts Counil center downtown on North Third, and the Daily Grind downtown, which displays works from local artists.

Family Video on East College Drive has an impressive collection of movies. Browsing through the selection of independent and foreign films is a great way to explore shared interests. Then celebrate the demise of SOPA by going home and downloading the movie you pick.

If all of this seems like way more effort than you bargained for, there’s always the option of giving your date a line like “hey baby, I wrote you a song on my guitar but I don’t think I can play it for you, it’s just too emotional.” I actually had a ex-boyfriend say that to me once. Suffice to say it was not well-received; you’ll definitely have better luck with the squirrel meat.

Facebook

I GOT ANOTHER PROPOSITION ON FACEBOOK. Why the fuck do boys think it's okay to ask girls out over FACEBOOK? I'm thinking about deleting mine. Can we go back to myspace?

Penis

Sometimes in class I begin to panic that I will shout out a racist or inappropriate comment while someone else is talking. It's similar to my fear of sticking my gum on a historic painting while in an art museum except I can't spit anything out...

maybe i have turrets... or maybe i just need to exercise... only time will tell.

In other news, while doing homework at a coffee shop today the man next to me asked me what I was working on. I turned, he was wearing a nice sweater and was in the proper "older man" age range. I rambled about how it was for my gender and sexuality class and about my major and other things I didn't need to share. He was clearly working on something far more interesting that was up on his computer. I know I should have asked but when I glanced down to the next page of my textbook there was a diagram of a penis. I immediately flipped the page and pretended to be engrossed in my reading.....

so.... no progress there.

Television Romance

Hey, you, in front of me, on the treadmill. Did you purposely skip right past that Adam Sandler movie on the TV, not even pausing to see if it was Billy Gilmore or Happy Madison? Did you do that on purpose to impress me? Because it worked. Right up until you left it on some sports game. Damn.

How great would that be?

I'm pretty sure I had the chance to flirt this evening. Maybe I did? There is a blonde guy who drives the Zamboni at work. Well one of two guys who drives it but he is the only blonde one. He is on my list of people to become better friends with, so this may well work to my advantage. He asked if I was going to college and I was too curt. Maybe he was just being friendly? This is literally the biggest advancement I've made in weeks-ish. Did I blow my chance? I work again next Friday, should I step up my game? The advice blog NEEDS YOUR ADVICE. Also at work I got two Laffy Taffys for free. I can't believe today was a good day.

A morning dance

Today I was told to dance by a handsome avian-esque suitor. I had no choice but to oblige. He complimented my grooves and undoubtedly undressed me with his eyes. I could feel it. This is the most real action I have ever got. Not sure how to proceed. Already posted on his Facebook.